My Own Life
I am not big on New Year’s resolutions. They just haven’t been something that I’ve ever grabbed onto in my life. But I do have to admit that there is something about coming to the end of one year and facing the beginning of the next that affects me. Kicks something into gear. Changes the way I look at the concept of and the passage of time.
We had a few couples over last night and at one point talked a little about the 2015 thing, and how it used to seem so far off. Even when Y2K was causing people to gasp and panic, 2015 seemed a long ways off. And yet, it is only a couple of days away now. Grandpa Lee used to say that the older we get the faster time flies. Perhaps he was right, even though the length of a second, minute, hour, and day is still the same. It just seems to pass more quickly when looking back.
Last time I wrote here, I rambled about this fantasy of being twenty-five again. Twenty-five feels like a lifetime ago. So here I am, well into my fifties, with the end of 2014 staring me down, and 2015 making me wonder what all it will have in store.
I spent a few days alone in Wisconsin in early September. While there, I re-read a book by Henri Nouwen that I had read while I was in rehab after my accident. And this part of a sentence stood out to me in a potent way as I looked at some of the things I had underlined years ago…
“..avoiding the pain of accepting the responsibility for my own life…”
Nouwen has long been a writer who has found a way into my soul, sometimes inspiring me, and other times kicking my butt. The words above kick my butt. And although I have accepted the responsibility for my own life for the most part, there are ways that I have avoided as well. And I want to somehow find a bit more courage as I look to my future, and replace the word “avoiding” with “embracing.” There is always more to take hold of…
“..[embracing] the pain of accepting the responsibility for my own life…”